In Com We Trust... 5/5

The 5 classes in X-com: Assault, Sniper, Support, Heavy and...um... silhouette?

IN COM, WE TRUST...

    So it would take some kind of super computer to work out the hours I spent as a child, working my way around suspiciously familiar farm-like environments, being slaughtered by shadowy figured Sectoids in the original UFO: Enemy Unknown...Double said machines power to calculate the times a Muscular Muton in a green one-sie destroyed squads, or how the terrible "Wibble" of a cyberdisc sounded very much like the bagpipes at soldiers funerals...

    Take that same super computer, increase it's capacity ten fold, give it glasses, a pipe and a residence at Cambridge and only then do you have a machine able to measure my love for this game, and (as the council will so often tell you when you smash the Alien Foe month after month) that not is something this council says lightly...

UF - OH, YEAH!

Someone finally found out what was inside the Cyberdisc...
...their funeral is on thursday.

    Okay...not my finest pun, but this is definately what I was thinking as i played this game through. I loved, and i mean truly loved, the original games this was based on (with the exception of TFTD perhaps...) and i just felt that the whole team behind X-Com had the same love - but the necessary skills to take that love and make it into a damn awesome game.

"...and i just felt that the whole team behind X-Com had the same love - but the necessary skills to take that love and make it into a damn awesome game..."

    Like a good house renovation, the developers behind this game looked in detail at what was missing from the originals, and what made them good - then smashed up the bad and tossed them into expensive skips.
    The Aliens have had a re-vamp (though I was sad to see no "Snake-Men" running amok in the cities) and child-like Sectoids now look like an army of Golems from Lord of the Rings...The Pyjama clad Mutons (beautifully refereneced in the weapon testing cut scenes) are now hulking great armored beasts of terror and the cyberdisc, a once highly annoying Frisbie, has been changed into the Matrix's answer to the Swiss Army knife...

If it bleeds we can kill i...oh God damn it isn't bleeding...

    Subsequently, every decision counts and Tactics have replaced throwing 12 rookies into a Skyranger to be turned into piles of goo by a relentless foe. Every move matters, and though saving the game and replaying a section so that it goes more your way could be a way round this, the Iron Man function removes this and makes you pay for each and every indecision, or revel in joy at that impossible shot that makes it...

"...you pay for each and every indecision, or revel in joy at that impossible shot that makes it..."

Any Last Words?

    If you've an ounce of nostalgia in your bones, then jump into the warm waters of this game and find yourself looking at exactly what a remake of a popular classic should be. Take the elements that were restricted by original design whether they be technical or creative, alter and amend them, make them better. Isolate and expand upon the things that made it wonderful, give those ideas wings and let them soar...

    I was lost in this game from the first instance and that tingly sensation that I was playing something incredibly good didn't leave, in fact on the final mission it was bolstered. The final mission really is a crescendo, a final twist that creatively ties up the mystery and the elements that were missing from original and left not only my mouth gaping, but my mind craving more.

If you're in Game Development and someone says to you "You're at a dinner party, and anyone from history can join you...who would you invite" then here's my suggestion...
...Push Jesus and Lazarus back into that cave...
...kick Wilde in the shins and toss him threepence for some Gin...
...sit Einstein in front of a computer and show him that his greatest legacy to the modern world was a poster of him with his tongue out for students and leave him to weep...

Then compile a list of the Firaxis team who put together X-Com: Enemy unknown...and ask them how they did it.

The modernisation of "West Side Story" was met with mixed reviews...and plasma fire...

What's next for a Chunkin'?

The Saviors of Earth...dramatically back-lit...

X-Com: Enemy Uknown
or
In Com We Trust...

How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Pirates... 4/5

The Package Holiday just wasn't what they thought it was going to be...sure the drinks were all inclusive,
but the knives the the bullets put a downer on the Mai-Tai's...

So, how do you Pi-RATE it?

Lets not beat around the bush here, you'll spend plenty of time hacking your way through it to avoid a Tiger in the road later, this is an awesome game. The Mo-Cap acting and lip sync of the characters is sublime, it's like watching a film and in the first minute I was terrified, I was angry, I was a little sickened...it was my teenage parties all over again in Game form.

As you sprint away from the Pirate camp, dogs and bullets storming after you, you're forced to do some pretty dark things to survive, and this sets the tone for the rest of the Game. The transition from Preppy Jock to Brutal Killer is by no means smooth - it's jarring and you're taken through every woeful moment in a uniquely personal and cinematic fashion

Tag! You're...a...well...a ravaged and bloody mess...

This may be the first time I've played a FPS and seen the POV nature of the game used so effectively to emote and engage. As you dash forward with your knife you feel the physics of the connection, you see the panic in your hapless victims eyes...this isn't a regular FPS where you're 'More-than-human' character guns down battalions of enemy, but a regular, fun-loving guy who is forced to get up-close and personal, to kill or be killed...

"...this isn't a regular FPS where you're 'More-than-human' character guns down battalions of enemy, but a regular, fun-loving guy who is forced to get up-close and personal, to kill or be killed..."

Though this does indeed get the Blood pumping, and can lead to some uniquely cool moments, the character did wear on me rather quickly and I found it hard to feel sorry for this group of Silver-spoon-in-their-mouth graduates who had the inane Audacity to anchor their boat on a beach full of pirates... There is a nod to this in the (may i say marvellous) writing when you're wise and battle weary guide 'Derek' mentions that such actions were not brave...but foolish.

Sure - i understand that if they'd anchored up in the Maldives then the action of the game would be lacking, but I found this far too detracting from the in-depth drama of the game and before long, I didn't care about saving my friends who were, quite frankly, playing along with Darwin's Theories and sparing the world their foolish genes...Harsh? Good god yes...Care? Good god no...

Their rendition of "The Jungle Book" had mixed reviews...

Chu-Chu-Chu-Chunk it up!

You cannot ignore the incredible time and effort that goes into a AAA title such as this excellent offering to the Far Cry franchise. There is love here, real expertise, some incredible moments from the animation of the dive into water to an incredible mission where you set fire to Cannabis Farms to some heavy dub-step. They have created here a world of intrigue, one you really want to explore, to drive around (Rook Island seems to have a surfeit of two things...cars and wild predators...and not one mechanic or Chinese Medicine supplier in sight...) to sneak through the undergrowth in...

The problem I experienced is that it didn't take me long to get the hang of the game, to understand the world they'd created and it's idiosyncrasies. I knew that 1 in 3 of the guns I had was the best in that category, i had completed the hunting missions (by far the most enjoyable) before i'd progressed far through the story - add to this that the less said about the secondary missions the better (unless you've got a penchant for walking and taking photographs in FPS) and there are some inescapable flaws to this game.

Some of his friends were being tortured...or being led to believe
they would soon be killed...one was even in a basement getting
the 'Z from pulp fiction' Treatment...but there was definately
time for a poker-game or 2...or 3...or...come on let me buy
back in!

However - no matter how rubbish the secondary missions are, or how easy the guns are to master, releasing a bear in an enemy camp and watching it tear the place apart, or filling a car with C4 and jumping out of it as it hurtles toward a group of soon-to-be 'Pirate-Soup' or even swimming in the ocean only to be attacked by a shark from the depths...Is just too much to ignore...

They sold this game as "Skyrim" with guns...and this doesn't do it justice at all, the game world is entirely different and the mechanics of it too dissimilar to bare comparison. It does however have the same intoxicatingly immersive world filled with amazing creatures and i'm sure you'll love running round it with guns...just don't put all your hopes in the story line...as you'll soon learn, there's no room for hope on Rook Island.

What's Next for a Chunkin' ?

"Survival" - new...from Calvin Klein...

Coming soon...

Far Cry 3
or
"How I learned to Stop worrying about Pirates..."

And the Lord said, "let their be Darkness..." 3/5

Bookies gave him a 10/1 chance at the Gold Cup

Death-inately worth a go?

Well once you're back in the room after I sent you reeling with that haymaker of a Pun-ch...lets talk game-lore for a moment...

Darksiders 2 manages to encapsulate more than one kind of Lore that the player will be familiar...there are norsk, Roman, Greek and Anglo-saxon references in there, not to mention a healthy dollop of Original content from the good people at THQ (may they rest in piece), before their creative excellence was torn apart and shared amongst those left sitting at the table - like some kind of gaming-Brioche. It's this lore that opens a big door to the player, using the increasingly modern (and deliciously simple) cartoon/Voice over cut-scenes, and you are ushered in quickly and smoothly. The transition from Living room to Living dead in this game is subtle, but excellently employed and within seconds i liked the look, liked the character, liked the game...

"...The Transition from Living room to Living dead in this game is subtle, but excellently employed..."

How does it play out?

His left shoulder-guard added protection, but the right one was
useful only for slow removal of road-kill...

Many, many years ago, at a party for popular Game Franchises Prince of Persia was drowning their sorrows at yet another film raping the content of a popular platform. Seeing an opportunity, and never one to miss such a thing, Ninja Gaiden stepped up... 4 cocktails later they found themselves locked in bathroom, getting on the good foot and doing the bad thing.
The love-child that drunken fondle spewed forth, was Darksiders - a mixture of both, unique in it's own way, but having lost some of the original features that endeared us to the others.
In short, it guns for both Physical, Free-running, puzzle-solving fun with big-weapon,hack-and-slash, combo action...and though elements of both are available - it also misses the more enjoyable, more detailed aspects of those gaming styles.

"...and though elements of both are available - it also misses the more enjoyable, more detailed aspects of those gaming styles..."
 

Then of course one should remember that, as it's THQ, you're going to spend hours chasing round and collecting small items...This is no different for Darksiders II - but you are rewarded in a Character Progression sense so though the old tricks are the same, the pay-off is more enjoyable.

Chu-Chu-Chu-Chunk it up!

So in short - this is a well crafted game. The look is good, the character enjoyable and it's relatively easy to master...but that may also be it's downfall. By the second Dungeon, I knew what to expect from the puzzle solving and though newer elements are introduced, there is more repetition here than perhaps holds my attention... Alongside that, by the 3rd boss i'd got the general way in which they'd decided to design the bosses - Isolate a weakness then repeat. Something i'm familiar with doing, though i admit not in such beautiful surroundings, many many years ago for far more simple games.

Though i'm told that no-one bought up this franchise in the THQ Yard sale, word on the street from Platinum Games is that they're interested in buying it...on the cheap. The prospect of giving this franchise their slant on platform games, excites me greatly... Lets hope there's another party in the future and that Darksiders and Bayonetta share a bottle of Vodka and creep into the back of a Ford Escort - it's a beautiful thing.

What's next for a Chunkin' ?

Blades? A crow? Pasty man with Sythes? I smell a sit-com!

Coming soon

Darksiders 2

&

Our First Podcast: The State of Play!

The Affect, of the Effect... (5/5)

The world burning wasn't enough to capture Shepherd's attention...that Space Hamster sure can squeak.

Back to the Future?

As you may have guessed, this isn't yet an "up to date/on the pulse/buzzing frenzy of futurism" kind of review...i don't have access to next months games and if I did i wouldn't be taking the time to write about last months.

In relevant terms, this blog is the on-your-back-windy-handle phone in a world of touch-screen smart phones - but let's hope it retains character.

Subsquently i'm going to start with a Gaming Franchise that, for me, defined RPG in it's most eloquent forms... MASS EFFECT 1, 2 & 3

Chu-Chu-Chu-Chunk it up!

Alright Johnny BigBollocks, you've started a review blog with a Trilogy, and one steeped in controversy none the less, so why? Well the simple question is I LOVE this franchise...I love it more than fat kids love cookies, than Tom Cruise loves playing the same character and suspect religions, I love it more than...well...something that tops the previous ones in a comedic way.

In short, i was told long ago to "write what you know" and I Know Mass Effect - so here's the low down.

...hell hath no fury like a Woman with SPECTRE status.

Progression

For me, Mass Effect is an excellent example of how games can advance from release to release, and still retain the world they so lovingly crafted in the first instance.

In ME1 the ammo is as infinite as the the time it takes you to drive out of the crater you bounced into when driving the MAKO around some pretty similar landscapes.

Bosses come in the form quantity of foes, rather than quality, surrounding themselves with Mercenaries who lovingly drop the best loot and leave the rest to bloat your bank account.

But the sense of the world is there, the Politics, the action, the romance...it's Sci-Fi in it's most perfect form - a platform in which to explore the deeper aspects of that psychotic ape, ourselves.

"...it's Sci-Fi in it's most perfect form - a platform in which to explore the deeper aspects of that psychotic ape, ourselves."

Then in ME2 they've clearly learnt from the gaming errors, feeding the action sequences whey-protein by the gallon and neatly hooking it onto beautifully crafted dialogue. The characters, new and old, are there if you want them, each with a side-quest that could makes character development in high-budget TV shows look like a high-school musical. The team too, have added a little something, a touch of darkness to counteract the "space adverturer" feel of ME1 and it works excellently - bringing deeper contrast and darker pallets to work alongside the tone of the game, one of desperation, of options running out - you really felt that time was against you.

"...the tone of the game, one of desperation, of options running out - you really felt that time was against you."

This may have contributed to the near-redundancy of the Mako, but scanning your way around the universe has it's moments of tedium. Don't get me wrong, it's an excellent way of extending the gameplay, drawing out elements of customisation and progression from a character's point of view, but it's the space equivalent of cowboys putting their pistols down in the middle of a shoot-out to pan for Gold.


And then came the much anticipated, and controversially accepted, ME3. It brought with it all the space-faring adventure of ME1, not to mention the Thresher-maws who had also been sucking on some of that whey-protein from ME2. It brought with it, the darkness of the second release and made a realistic war, one with Black & White, yes...but there were seas of grey, confused parties and terrible decisions.

ME3 is the icing on the cake, it is still the franchise you love but it's grown-up, developed and blossomed into a AAA release from a creative team who seem to be going from strength to strength. Not only in terms of incredible visual art, but in the art of structure, of storyline and of emotional involvement.

"...a AAA release from a creative team who seem to be going from strength to strength."

 Summa-rise Sir Knight!

What you have here is a rare beauty, in a rare media. Game design at the moment is going through the Golden Age that Film was 20 years ago, and TV was before that. It's progressive, it's popular and at the moment, it's unpolluted...Mass Effect is a work of Creative Genius and every iota of effort has been made to make the entire genre something you can latch on to and love.

Yes there was controversy over how it all ended, but when you create something this epic, this expansive is there really a way for you to end it? My final word to all the people who played through to the end and threw their toys out the pram, those detritus-infested-fools who took law action against the team for "being let down" is this...

If you got on a train for a long long journey, and it was a beautiful train, comfortable and enjoyable...would you really give a flea's scrotum of care to how it pulled into the station, or would you appreciate it for what it was?

An incredible vehicle by which you may journey to another world.